Wednesday, October 24, 2012

geographic backtracking - thoughts on phoenix

Coffee is the honey of every swarming  indie bee hive. I perch in a corner comb and watch as beautiful tattooed women zig zag past, into the nest to brew and consume and bring it back into the world. Trails of smoke replace the constant buzz of work to be done. We have found the hip section of phoenix - a tiny cherished enclave sitting within the sixth most populous city in the nation. The Arts District is Portland, concentrated into five arizonan blocks. Screen printing spaces, book stores, vintage boutiques, and record shops. Walls plastered with angry graffiti and/or silhouettes painted by ex-urban outfitters employees in protest of the mass produced. It thrives and is alive in a way that demands a moment of marveling at least, but those who study bees see beyond the random motions and delicious production process. There is routine, patterns in the chaos, common ground among the indie-viduals, similar trends across wide communities. Still, for phoenix this enclave is particular and unique.

Move out a layer and you find corporations reaching glass paned arms towards the sky, Capitol buildings bulbous and lain in brick. Again another layer and your streets begin to widen, your storefronts may seem few and far between. Zoom out further until the names of incorporated cities appear in bolded black Ariel - Tempe, Scottsdale, Glendale, Peoria, Mesa. And smack dab in the middle of these incorporated cities that make up metro-phoenix lies Guadalupe - a one square mile town from mexico, cargo that must have been airlifted and dumped in central arizona due to excess weight. Like day and night, Guadalupe rubs up against the Tempe mall - mass corporate billboards tower over modest colorful houses that have been occupied by the same families for generations. The space is Yaqui and Mexican although the divide is palpable to locals. But to the untrained visitor it all seems to fold into one place. Even within the enlcave there are sub-divisions. Ahhhh the complexities.

My host's car is colorfully chalked on the back - window paint reads "We will not comply! Say no to SB10-70" She explains how the town set up road blocks for the police raids - 80 year old women with canes standing next to the Guadalupe's mayor and judge holding off 100 police cars. She describes the police raid on a sunday; the image of a little girl in confirmation with the military tank in the background. She describes the shift of apathy towards the recent shooting in the neighborhood and the flux of a town that stands so strongly together at some times and turns the other cheek at others. But this is the nature of community, the nature of all enclaves. Just like the Arts District, and Portland, and every other self-selecting "cool" community.

Enclaves - it's what defines the great urban space. They shift and dissolve and are celebrated for their separateness while simultaneously being criticized for their exclusivity. They are spaces that fill you with a constant sense of angst about your role in being there, drawing bold black lines separating insiders from outsiders as if it were the only and ultimate distinction. And the irony of territorialism sits in the front row and throws tomatoes at you during your monologue. At the large scale, it's bullshit. Everyone has the right to movement! they say. And pushing others out is wrong, self-involved, unprecedented, injust. But on the communal level we all sing a different tune. Any group who has been in a space for more than 10 years prints out their own personalized rights to the neighborhood on glossy cardstock. Any changes, whether or not they occur naturally, without the unanimous consent of the rightful community members causes uproar. Outsiders! Gentrification! Attack, Assault, Abuse! Yes yes i know it's always more grey than we can explain, but we see the trend now don't we? How come the most liberal of us don't delve into our own NIMBYism? How can we poke fun at the irony? Or should we just bring our own tomatoes and come prepared to heckle?

Sunday, October 21, 2012

south


Unimpeded stretches of yellow and brown scratch across the surface north and south of me. Up ahead the faint shadows of blue-grey mountains start to show. Southern land is rugged and would run wild if not for the crooked posts pinned along every section of land fencing off what belongs to whom. The desert is barbed and tamed. Telephone poles jut into the ground helping hold it in place. If these pins were undone, I’m sure the dust would roll up in waves like a sheet being shaken free of debris and blow in all direction. The landscape of the south itself could rebel and run rampant if only we unpinned it.

Something romantic about stretches of road cutting through the landscape creeps into the air filters of the bus. The man next to me inks a small pornographic sketch of a girl in military garb and gas mask. Biker couples whip into emergency side lanes around us. I imagine they are hooting and hollering, she gets wet holding onto her leathered hunk as he's glued to the throttle. There are inner-state tensions among the solidarity. Like a large jewish family – they all recognize their connections and nod at each others’ accomplishments while whispers and raised eyebrows draw distinctions between each one. Arizona, New Mexico, Texas wrangled and tangled in tough love.

This greyhound is more packed and desperate than others I have inhabited before. A surprise Cocaine bust led the blonde tattooed gentleman to skip out on his court date in Oregon. He sucks on a rolled cigarette and exhales his story – I can be your receptacle good sir, I can be your canyon. “ Yeah, fuck undercover cops,” I echo. His dad promises a job upon his return back south. Martin, the larger latino man with a brother in the military, loved California but hated the trucking industry. He thinks I should get into construction if I pass through McAllen – he swears to hook me up in the hypothetical. The small black girl is yanked up off the floor by her shirt collar – her braid whips up with her tiny frame. No one looks as her mother whispers angrily in her tearing eyes. Don’t be that kid girl. Nobody sides with the bus-crier… I know, I’ve been her. A 40-something white woman clad in Zumies gear screams explicatives at her scurrying children. Two rows behind her is the tail end of an alimony conversation. Pick your poison passengers. This southern bus is rugged and wild and full of tough love.

Still, when I ask, a pebble of pride beams back through. “It’s good to be back south,” they all smile and let their heads pan. "Home." they throw in at the last moment. "It's good to be back home." I allow for their moment of joyous reflection and wait for the inevitable launch into nostalgia. Describing country life and hard life and backwaters, po-dunk, killin rattle snakes and eating Whattaburger and hooting at women and driving real fast. It’s all part of the appeal, they explain. This is rugged and rolling and real. They are home, and ready to put their pins back. Things have been too shaken up the past couple of months.

Virga

My New Mexican skies pour black streaks down into arid brown mountains. The rain in the distance evaporates before it touches dusted ground. Virga. I'm waiting at the bus station 12 miles out of Las Cruces. The new drop off requires that the bus snakes through the southwest of Las Cruces, into downtown, and out the northeastern edge. Passing through without ever feeling soil. Virga. It's odd to slip so calmly through this country, leaving bits and pieces in my path. I have lost four pairs of underwear, two dresses, traded in two shirts, four novels, devoured and discarded a month and some worth of meals and have yet to let my feet sink into the ground. I have yet to fall in love or drown in frustration. There have been no terrible days, zero great tragedies, no stains, no mars, no scars, my clothes wear well, my thoughts move freely, no muck, no blocks, just virga. Is it half as satisfying? Seeing the rainfall but feeling no rain? My sensations are all muddled and no longer trusting of one another, scent and sense making erroneous claims that eye and ear witnesses can't back up. They (who?) say it's about the journey, process, action, movement, stasis be the enemy, but I (me?) get thirsty waiting for the rain to drop. Instead of letting this disappointment seep in and leave that necessary stain to jog my memory, I wait for night where the bare stars come out and force us thinking creatures to ponder the unanswerables as distraction from the things we can. Let's move on.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

First transit fuck up


I recognized it about 45 minutes ago: the bus was moving south away from my destination, but the fountains of irrigation systems out the window lulled me into a pacified state so that by the time I came to it was too late to get off and reorient myself. So I pocketed my Garrison Keillor – only a social shelter to begin with – and smiled at miles of tilled land. First transit fuck up; it’s always cute at the preliminary haul. It’s only when you number in the teens that you really start to feel the cold irk – like sitting for hours in a puddle of your own urine – of misdirecting yourself yet again. But the sensation is still young and the view is still new enough to keep me pleasantly entertained. Leaving Yuma, through Sommerton, into San Luis. We slide past endless sections of agricultural land – to the left are fields in seasonal use, to the right the ground is an eerie grey-brown. Looking straight ahead is like being hemispherically colorblind – to the left we have a Pink Floyd laser light show, to the right a screening of Gone with the Wind. Occasional oases crop up every two miles or so, lined with tall palms and bushes in bloom. W county 16th street takes a sharp turn and the bus slows enough to let me peer in-between tree trunks: the houses are roofed with thin metal, windows made of cellophane. Not the vision in royal purple I had imagined.

The other passengers are all crossers, letting their heads slide against the blotted windows for a moment of rest before the 45 minute standing wait to get across the border. Cars pile up for nearly 3 miles in line to customs – 3:45 on a Friday; Satan laughs in his infernal lay-z-boy watching the good people of Yuma County-San Luis suffer so. Rows of white school buses inch alongside us, Growers Union spraypainted in blue, packed with dark sweaty faces. We make our final turn and all passengers (sans your kindhearted narrator) pour off. The busdriver shoots me a perplexed look, I shrug and smile and he turns back to check the new group as they slide bills into the ticket slot. Backtracking through the cities seems to pass quicker than the way there – isn’t that a curiously consistent feature of life? I spend a quarter of the time watching the old woman six rows ahead of me mop up sweat from under her shirt, lifting her long slivered braid from her neck as her yellowing rag works across her neck and back. The other ¾ of the journey I spend laughing with a San Luis native about my fear of horses and his fear of other people – we traded sunflower seeds for 2 minutes of my phone. “No eres de aca” he notes, and I drop my jaw in shock at his astute observation. Bus Route 95 weaves back into familiar territory. Walled off subdivisions and mobile-home parks. Suddenly I pine for other places – all of them that I ever called home. The walkable ones; spaces where I could dance aside a six-lane road and not get mimics or smiles. Spaces with quirk, or places where no one gave a quarter-shit. Places where my whiteness wasn’t novelty, my smile wasn’t sex. My affinity to rain wasn’t endearing and my positivity pissed people off. Places that were bigger and brighter and overcharged for a pint of beer, places with multiple centers and hidden cavernous neighborhoods. Perhaps places where affluence was a standard and abounding urban poverty was tolerated. That liberal elite in my pounds the inner caverns of my heart screaming “let me out of rural quaintness you manipulative masochistic bitch!” Places that birth other places, meta-places, sub-genres festering beneath the subsequent layers. I tug on the yellow cord and descend, heading for a bar. Next stop – city please.

Calexico-Mexicali

Calexico - confounded national identity issues prepacked and served to you at a boil right in the name. Cal.Exico. Not quite here nor there. A different species of cities. Calexico is small and humble - clean and accomodating to the crossers who work their ways through the four-road downtown trip of one dollar clothing shops and pharmacies to get to the Walmart across town. Peddling down E Zapata st on the Barajas' borrowed bike draws a lot of attention. Or is it being a white girl. Either way I get waves and stares as I jam towards the border. The fence is unimaginably tall, rusted and double-enforced. Border Patrol parks every 30 feet or so, resting in the dotted shade of the border wall. They crane their heads as I ride by along the metal, reaching out my hand to feel its presence. I've seen pictures, I've heard stories, all of which unravel into the same metaphysical and often mellowdramatic sensation of being wronged. And now i feel it - trite and popular are just euphemistic sisters-in-law, right? Chilled in 95 degrees Fahrenheit. Goodbumps beneath my dripping sweat. My hair is soaked and on edge.

But the birds eye - there's the real thriller. Calexico is made for Mexicali. A one-bar town adjacent to miles of big-lane highways, malls, a mess of varying neighborhoods rich (errm, comparatively?) and poor. Supposedly known for its chinese food? I'm still digesting the thought. "So, let's talk about crossing," I slide into the conversation over carne asada with the Barajas. Twice a week they go over for date night - no real restaurants in calexico. Elvia is a regular at the music venues, diehard EDM fan. Diego and I moved easily across the border, he ran up to his old house, lifted the gate to the roof entrance and weaved up the spiral staircase. "This is where we used to shoot our BB guns at passing cars." "This is the house we used to ding-dong-ditch. We stuck to her house, she got so mad." A nice duplex, half a block from the governor's house. They send security out while i'm taking pictures - the PRI seems on edge these days. "Ten cuidad eh," they say when i tell them i'm traveling, holding an extended finger up to one eye. The Barajas moved for better schools and border wait times - hours in line in the morning to cross to the United States. And for safety - Diego recounts two friends of his who were kidnapped in Mexicali. His ease and comfort with the words were more unnerving, but he doesn't seems like a man inclined to sensationalism in the first place.

Tensions in each city gurgle over Mexicanity - you're either not American enough or not Mexican enough in either space. The Mexicans in Calexico don't like the Mexicans in Mexicali - too big city, too self-involved, says Elvia. But we are better, she laughs. The Mexicans in Mexicali don't care about the Mexicans in Calexico - they live across the border. They are just fine. People, goods, tech, entertainment all zigzag across the border, tracing a looping infinity symbol of tire marks and footprints. And tensions - shared tensions - among kinship keep the communities neatly knit. 

Sunday, October 7, 2012

SD-TJ

7 am - John shoots up. "Fuck. The street cleaners," he pulls on a pair of crumpled shorts and bounds past the couch I'm curled into, scraping keys off the counter and out of the apartment. Time to move the car. The early morning streets are full of pajamed residents scampering desperately towards their parking spots, hearts racing from the high of this weekly alarm. Meanwhile, across the border, vendors roll by neighborhood roads selling milk, water jugs, tortillas and tamales from carts. Jorge saunters out the door to the sounds of bells ringing and radios playing, the music cheery, the streets dance. See, the San Diego-Tijuana divide is thick, strong and clouded. And so many San Diegans smile, letting their eyes roll up as they reflect saying, " Oh yeah. I forget that Tijuana is right there... huh".

TJ: The sidewalks are cracked but remain solid under our feet. Peering down streets you can't tell the difference between Playas and Pacific Beach. But its the view of the city on the horizon that seems to mark national distinction. Colorful houses dot the rocked hills; no sidewalks but plenty of pedestrians. The beach roars in the background - more grey and powerful than the blue waters of San Diego. Dolphins crawl closer to the shores of TJ; the leopard sharks circle tamely in the waters of La Jolla shores. Pelicans soar casually across Las Playas; sting rays settle in the san diegan sands. So what natural distinction is there? Clearly the wildlife heeds no such divides. But that same distinction is hardly invented - two cities holding hands, pinkies linked across an international boundary. Their conversations slip easily through the mesh netting of the fences, but the cannot kiss or embrace as they may please. This is not a space for conjugal visits, not a traves de la frontera. And it's hard to try and separate the causes from the roots of the divide - which came first: the chicken or the border patrol? The distinction highlighted by the crossing process itself. I follow throngs of people moving quickly through the pedestrian rat maze out of the US. Mexico plated in silver, blocked only by a metal turnstile, lets me slide in with a smile. There is no dam to speak of that could slow this river of cross-border traffic. But coming back is hardly an upstream - more like spending several hours swirling in a Britta filter. The line wraps up and down both sides of the street - 3 pm moves to 4 pm and I still strain my eyes to see the gates. As you move closer to the US entrance, groups of 20 at a time step through every 15 minutes under the watchful eye of the line of border patrol agents. Those with legal crossing cards move left; their line takes even longer than for us foreigners. I shuffle right through security without a hitch: flash a smile, wait for the customs agent to flirt back... the obligatory small talk with la guera in overalls. And i'm back in the states - trucking further north through san diego country, i see the people become whiter, the neighborhoods more charming, even the tattoos take on a more unoffensive feel - artistic colored flowers take the place of territorial cursive brandings. And in no time, i move from one country, one lifestyle to a next, back in mission beach, watching eyes roll up while a curious smile takes form, "oh yeah. I forget that Tijuana is right there... huh." 

Dear Stranger

Every time I finish a novel I write a note to a stranger and leave it in a public space. This last note is transcribed from the book i'm reading - The Hummingbird's Daughter by Luis Alberto Urrea. Admittedly, it is way more for me than it ever was for the stranger (grant it, these notes always are), so i figured it is best suited in the transcribed environment of a self-indulgent blog spot. Here's whats what

Dear Stranger,
The grey carpeted seats are loose in their place, shaking steadily to the sway of this aluminum 'hound streaming down I-8 E. First of many rides on my impending two-month long bus trip - yes, these seats are surely dancing in celebration, rewarding my lasting delay in San Diego. Goodbye idyllic sunsets and tan northern europeaners. Goodbye sarongs wrapped as dresses and beer bongs for breakfast. Goodbye tolerable sunshine and overly trusting strangers. Goodbye to the carefree saunterers, longboarders, surfers, skaters, bikers and other genres of movers and shakers. I'm moving east. And they say (read: i fictionalize and therefore believe) that the further east you forge, the rougher it gets. Desperate for diminishing eye-contact and judgmental stares directed at my unfamiliar presence; for people who show almost as little of an interest in me as their city does; for that sensation of instability and isolation that is hidden in the kindness of western san diego... I pound eastward. And already I'm filled with the tingling sensation of novelty that runs up my legs with every new space I encounter. The faux leather seats glue to my bare thighs like a lover wrapping around you, holding you in bed for just 10 more minutes. The loose seats rattle louder, the highway twists up unexpectedly, my fellow passengers turn their backs to my obtrusive overhead light - groaning and squirming in protest. And instead of sitting in the solidarity of darkness, I let my smile widen as I scribble this note to you, dear stranger, because it's truly only you and me who know i'm moving east. East in my new home. East, being the most intimidating (read: irritating) motherfucker on this greyhound. East for new faces and spaces and conversations. East to be put in my goddamned place already. So despite that this note is increasingly becoming more for me than it was ever for you, dear stranger, just allow me one last indulgence as I remind myself of those important things that I need to remember. And in consolation for your gorgeous patience and applaudable tolerance of my babbling and bad handwriting, I will gift you this breathtaking novel. Pardon the unprecedented foreword, and enjoy the ride.

THINGS TO BE THOUGHT OF OFTEN:
- speaking to strangers
- asking EVERYTHING
- writing for an hour each day
- spending one day in every city walking around
- calling/emailing/stalking city representatives

THINGS TO THINK OF LESS OFTEN:
- your hesitations
- what you could be missing
- yourself

Love,
Rach